Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Someone you don’t know, asks you to buy something he needs with his money:
You couldn’t give a shit about price or quality, just buy it, right?
Someone you don’t know asks you to buy something YOU need with his money:
Suddenly, you care about quality, but fuck the price, he’s paying.
Someone you know asks you to buy something you don’t need with YOUR money
Price will be as low as possible, as will quality
Someone you know asks you to buy something you need with YOUR money
Best Quality, lowest price. Every single fucking time.
Let me remind you all that “the government” does not have a fucking single penny of it’s own. ALL of the money the government has to throw at any fucking, cunting problem that comes along is OURS.
Every SINGLE PENNY. Forget it at your peril. Every time a politician stands up and says “we are going to spend millions on sorting this out”, see if you can feel his hand in your pocket.
Until these cunts stop thinking like scenario 1, we will always wake up every morning wondering where all the fucking wonga went.
Monday, 29 September 2008
I'm no fan of Gary Glitter, but if he wants to go to Spain, where the age of consent is 13, then the law shouldn't be just made up as it goes along to stop him.
Ashford magistrates granted an order requested by Kent Police last Thursday stopping Glitter from travelling.
The 64-year-old has the right to appeal, and the ban applies only to those two countries.
He has done his crime and he has done his time. The laws being used against his free movement will be adapted to all of us eventually.
I pay a bastard fortune (post tax) to smoke. I like it. I know it is going to kill me but it is my choice, alright? Fuck off and mind your own business and be grateful for the truly humungous amounts of tax I pay for the privilege. Tax that you don’t have to pay. I have to stand outside an empty pub, watching the landlord go broke. I have to huddle in the rain to get my fix and I have to listen to the fucking EU telling me what a cunt I am as they empty my pockets.
Yes, the EU. These unelected pricks have decided that “health warnings” are not extreme enough to make grown men cry and women weep. So they are going to make us look at a picture of a healthy lung from a dead person and an unhealthy lung from a dead person. As if there is any logic at all in that at all. They are both dead after all.
And then I saw how much damage the people who want to tell me what to do with my life are actually causing other innocent people. People who want to grow crops and sell them in Europe. But they can’t. Because the EU won’t let them and makes me pay a bastard fortune for food so they can run a “common agricultural policy and subsidise red faced, fat fingered, Range Rover driving farmers to grow stuff we don’t want at prices we shouldn’t be paying.
Oh bollocks, just watch:
So, you EU Bastards. I would like YOU to print a little picture of a starving non EU child on every packet of subsidised food sold in Europe. I want people to know what YOU are doing to the rest of the world, you cunts. I want them to know how many people YOU are killing whilst taxing me to death.
Bastards. You fucking, cruel, heartless, racially "superior", vicious BASTARDS. If I die of smoking, rather than jogging, at least I have paid you for the privilege. These poor bastards never stood a chance. I don't know how you can sleep at night.
The man who took this photograph commited suicide afterwards. He won the Pulitzer Prize and his name was Kevin Carter. Frankly, I would have done the same.
Saturday, 27 September 2008
"PRWeek can reveal that the Labour Party is exploring plans for an online rapid rebuttal unit, designed to kill off damaging stories circulating in the blogosphere."
This is being discussed elsewhere, as you may imagine. However, I would like to state my personal feelings on the matter.
Tell ya what - try and kill off THIS damaging story, you bunch of semi-literate halfwits....
You over there in the Parliamentary Labour Party.
You are, each and every one of you, the fetid droppings of a plague-carrying rattus rattus, prepared to mislead, cheat and outright LIE to keep your grubby paws in the till of this country's resources.
You are led by a scruffy, malformed, mouth-breathing, degenerate weasel, who suffers from a pathological inability to answer a direct question, who has in his eleven years in Government overseen the creation of a benefit state, sold off gold at the lowest price in recent memory, ridden an artificial house-price bubble inflated by personal debt and astronomical borrowing, and reduced the position of Prime Minister And First Lord of the Treasury to an international laughing stock.
You led British servicemen into an illegal war against the wishes of the United Nations, and denied them the equipment and resources they needed even to stay alive, much less perform the task with which they were charged.
Your Chancellor is a weak, shallow, cretinous and vapid creature whose primary talent appears to be caterpillar-balancing. Your Home Secretary is an evil misandrist (fucking look it up if any one of you has the slightest clue how to use Google) who has implemented legislation that in any genuinely fair society would be deemed outrageously discriminatory.
You claimed, in 1997, that you would be 'whiter than white'. Are we supposed, therefore, to ignore David Blunkett? There's 2 incidences of sleaze right there. Or Peter Mandelson? Another two. Or Keith Vaz. Or Tessa Jowell and the mystery mortgage. Peter Hain. Wendy Alexander. And let's not forget the former Prime Minister being interviewed by Police in connection with 'Cash-For-Peerages'.
You claim 'fairness for all' is in your DNA, yet you removed the 10p tax rate, and instituted a Tax Credits system that creates an ever-larger pool of people for whom living off the State is more profitable than working - and you tax those of us who DO work ever more for the privilege.
You are the socialist morons who have 'redistributed wealth'by decimating the pension pots of every worker in this country and by denying essential public sector workers a pay increase that even met your own, dishonest and artificial inflation figures. Yet you fatten your own wallets on our taxes with the John Lewis List, second homes, unfettered expenses and a gold-plated, index-linked pension plan.
With the elderly freezing to death, children leaving primary school unable to read (yet perfectly able to understand the 'crimes of Thatcher', apparently), violent crime rising, the decimation of our civil liberties, limitations on the right to peaceful protest, 42-day detention and the wanton destruction of an economy YOU were entrusted with - now you want to trample on the only civil right the people of the (soon-to-be dissolved) United Kingdom have left - free speech.
You're so completely spineless and incompetent that you can't even conspire against each other with any real effectiveness. You're small, pathetic turds who contribute nothing to this nation other than adding to the signal:noise ratio.
Just try and take away free speech - I'm only one person, there are millions of people out there, and millions of bloggers. There are other countries where websites can be hosted. You censor one of us, we'll simply repost their material on our sites. Censor another, we'll host it elsewhere. Our opinions mean something, even though you lack the basic intellect to comprehend them. We are Legion, and we have a bloody site more knowledge than you give us credit for.
We are economists, financiers, postmen, IT geeks, labourers, photographers, workers of every colour and creed and social background. And our one 'Common Purpose' (to use your bullshit phrase) is that we can see through your lies and your spin to the grubby little motives which underlie them.
Your cracked, deluded dream of 'fairness' is to drag everyone down until they're all dependent upon the State. 'From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs', isn't it? Well, you know what? Marx has been discredited in every country that's tried his utopian philosophy. You want proof? Fuck off to North Korea and live there for a while, try their socialist 'paradise' before you attempt to create one here.
Just try and censor me, fucknuts. Just try it and see how far you get.
< /rant >
This has been an Anti-Political Broadcast for the Dungeekin Party.
Normal service will now be resumed.
President Winston Mbeko Banana of The Peoples Republic of Umbongo today declared that he could no longer sit idly by and see a once great nation slide into anarchy, crippled by debt, over run by crime, paralysed by fear and ruled by an elitist unelected Marxist Dictator frantically trying to cling to the reins of power at a tragic cost to the people.
“I will sort out this mess. I have a duty to do. A duty to Africa to lead the way” said Winston Banana, this afternoon, whilst being force fed Zebra urine by one of Lee Jaspers girlfriends in the back of his GLC funded Rolls Royce.
His diamond encrusted Learjet landed at Heathrow this afternoon. He is expected to wrestle the Glorious Leader on a rug, naked at Number 10, in an effort to persuade him to stand down and once again allow democracy to flourish in the beleaguered State of Britistan before dining at Chequers on a menu of gently sautéed Gorilla heads and Rwandan Land Crabs.
Earlier, in an embarrassing mix up, Winston Banana was offered a job within the immigration service and child benefit forms were automatically generated for his 147 children. Meanwhile Bono, Lead singer of Me1 (formally known as Fuck You too) has also asked if he can borrow the learjet to fly his pet hamster from the East Wing of his Galway Mansion to the West wing, where the view of the starving Irish masses is better.
Friday, 26 September 2008
Good News. The EU was trying to ban anonymous blogging and they just got double fisted.
Estonian centre-left MEP Marianne Mikko, the report's author - had wanted to call for full clarification of the legal status of webblog authors, disclosure of bloggers' interests and the voluntary labelling of blogs, all of which had been supported by MEPs across the political spectrum at the committee level.Just because you lived under the Soviets and were regularly asked for your papers, doesn't mean the rest of us need to be subjected to Stalinesque abuse.
At the time, the Swedish government had recently narrowly passed legislation that gave officials the power to open all emails and listen to any telephone conversation in the country, and Ms Mikko's proposals around blogs seemed to be of a similar nature to the government's surveillance bill
So you thought you'd rush a bill through that would add even more power to the EU nest of vipers, eh?
"I've been subject to a lot of attacks from bloggers all over Europe," Ms Mikko told reporters after the passage of the resolution. "I've been called Mao Tse-Tung, Lukashenko, Ceauscescu - it's not very pleasant."
I could call you many, many things. I would prefer however, to hang you from a fucking lampost.
"I understand and yet I don't understand the reaction of bloggers," she said. "Nobody is interested in regulating the internet ... But I understand how a sensitivity was touched. I'm sorry that's the playground we're dealing with at the moment."
It's very, very simple you stupid potato munching, grey faced cunt. Just fucking leave us alone.
Thursday, 25 September 2008
My Doctor has just rung me. Apparently, he’s sick of handing out Beta Blockers to me and has read my blog.
He suggests I write down 20 things I really like (as opposed to the 21 trillion things I don’t)
So here goes:
The smell of a fresh cut meadow
Free range chickens
A wet dog
Mitchell and Webb
Crab fishing with a hand line
The Isles of Scilly
Pickled onions & pork pies
Fresh cotton sheets, after a bath
There may be more. Feel free to add
(oh, and by the way, Dr Chakraboty, you are a cunt. Warm your fucking hands next time or you'll be eating your Massala Dosas through a fucking straw)
Refering back to Leg Irons post on Who will Save Us? Perhaps we should have a look at the slices of liberty that are gently being shaved away from our freedom by the crazy 646. We have had over 3000 new laws introduced by them as they seek to regulate and monitor, prosecute and ostracise the individual. I tried to sell a grey squirrel today but that has been made illegal. Did you also know that householders who fail to nominate a neighbour to turn off their alarm while they are away from home can be breaking the law? One new law a day under New Labour.
Today, ID cards for foreigners were released. A soft push to get the rest of us to accept our cattle tags, they start on language students first, then the rest of us by 2017. If I was a student, I would tell the immigration officer (yes, they must meet) to shove his card up his fucking arse.
This is not Britain. This is East Germany without the discipline or the Leica cameras. When is it going to stop? When are the 646 going to be happy that they have legislated enough? When are they going to stand back and say “right, that’s that sorted then. Everyone is safe/secure/compliant”?
Just as the hippies and lentil munchers wrecked havoc on society during the sixties and seventies with their social experiments, vile experiments that led to sink estates and the Guardian, ghettos and ganglands and school leavers who can hit the teacher but can’t read or write, we now have a new 646, full of lawyers who know of nothing other than how to legislate. Hence the one new law a day.
I would like a parliament of individuals. Independents, elected on what they said they would do, not some diktat from the Politburo. I would like to see Party Whips, well, whipped. Through the fucking streets. I would like to see real democracy. Other countries have it (Switzerland for example) and they are never involved in pointless wars. They never have to hide their faces from 14 million CCTV cameras, or have their iris and fingerprints scanned onto an exit visa, like we do. Their central bank doesn’t have to print off more money to send to unemployed black men in string vests. They just on quietly with the job of living a full life. They don’t have to pay a fee to be force fed the daily party line through the State Broadcaster. They don’t have councils that can send any Tom, Dick or Ahmed into your house at will.
Yes, I could just fuck off, by why should I? I’ve paid my taxes, kept my nose clean and worked hard. Yet those grasping 646 just will not leave me alone.
MY MISSION FOR 2009
So, I’ve decided that if they are going to take away any more of my freedoms, I am going to object. And I am going to use the law to do it. After my walk on November 5th (just as Prime Mentalists Question Time finishes by the way), I am going to start using some very weird and wonderful laws to cause maximum disruption to the State that is stamping on my face. I am going to invoke every common law I can find (bet you wearing a mask in public will be illegal by 7th November by the way). So, if I can find that I have the right to drive cattle through the city of London on Good Friday, I will. If there is a law that says I can harvest gooseberries from Admiralty Land, I am going to invoke it. If there is a common law that says that I, as a commoner, can catch Salmon from Lambeth Palace on Easter Monday, I am going to do just that – with dynamite.
Most of all, I am looking for a law that says I can throw Politicians from the top of big ben.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Transgenders. Your mission. Go forth and find byelaws. Find ancient rights of commoners. The more ridiculous the better. I am going to be busy being a right, royal pain in the fucking arse to the State next year. When they stop introducing new laws, I will stop fucking them with the old ones. I don't care what they do to me anymore. They fuck with me, I'll fuck with them
Wednesday, 24 September 2008
There are over four hundred reasons that a council official can use to enter your home, and you have no right to stop him. I'm not talking about the police here. I'm talking about the council. And I'm not talking about entering the homes of suspected bombers or insurgents. I'm talking about your home and mine. If they suspect you of any form of rule breaking they can enter your home and check. I know you're thinking to yourself 'So what? I haven't broken any rules. If I have nothing to hide, what do I have to fear?'
It won’t and they know it. Consider the way these policies are going. Computers for children here, in Africa, all over the world. For children who are in poverty. Nothing for their parents who are also in poverty. Just the children. It makes you feel good, I’m sure, because who but the most heartless could deny a child this wonderful new toy?
Those parents will want to sell the computer to buy clothes and food. Those, they will reason, are more likely to keep their child alive than a box with a screen on it. Yes, the child will be bitterly disappointed but they will be alive. Yet you will respond as you have been conditioned to respond. You will respond as the media direct. Can’t you just see the headlines now?
‘Parents steal Government-donated computer from own child. Parents sell child’s computer and deny him/her the chance of education.’ And so on.
Those parents will be deemed Guilty and many of you will accept that. You will rail against the injustice: the poverty-stricken child has been robbed by his own parents. You will not consider, for a moment, that a child in poverty – just like the parents – needs food and clothes rather more than a computer. You will be outraged and you will demand that something be done. And something will be done. Another slice of freedom will be taken away.
We can rail and shout at the politicians all we want, but the truth is that we did it. They didn’t steal our freedoms. We handed them over, slice by slice. Oh, they manipulated us into doing it, but we allowed that manipulation to happen.
When guns were banned on the basis of a few isolated shootings, we said nothing. I’m not throwing blame around here. Since I had no gun and no wish to own one, I said nothing either. Now, shootings happen at a rate of a few a week and that was entirely predictable. The criminals didn't hand theirs in and they know for certain that the rest of us don't have one. So the cry goes out ‘Something must be done’. Knives are banned and yet there are more stabbings than ever. Once more the cry goes out ‘Something must be done’.
And something is always done, isn’t it? Councils are given ever greater powers in the name of combating terrorists, stopping gun and knife crime and making sure everything is put into recycling bins. And yet gun and knife crime continues to rise. So the councils get more powers. And we see children involved in this, as victim and perpetrator, and cry ‘Something must be done’. And something is done. Officials become more powerful. We lose more freedom and we accept it in the name of safety. The shootings and the stabbings and the cries for something to be done continue in a circle and will continue until everything has been done. Until there are no freedoms. Until everything you do, eat, say or think is controlled and monitored in the name of security. Then it will be too late for you to do anything for yourself.
We cannot have absolute security unless we have no freedom at all. We cannot have absolute freedom unless we have no security at all. Neither situation is good. Security and freedom are like night and day. Each denies the other. And yet the extinction of either would lead to our destruction. We need both, in balance.
Our government are striving for absolute security. Some of you will think ‘Great’, some will be horrified. They are not, however, striving for your security or mine. We are less safe in our own homes than we have ever been. Government officials can enter as they please. If you tackle an intruder, he will sue and you will lose. The government are looking after themselves, and nobody else. We cannot have freedom in any measure because that would mean we might defy them. We might answer back. We might even vote for someone else. Security means control. Absolute security means absolute control.
We are controlled primarily through children and guilt. It’s easy, so easy to tear down someone who objects to anything that claims to ‘help the children’. Nobody dares to stand beside anyone who would oppose measures which appear to protect children from attack, even where those measures are mainly used to silence opposition and demonise the innocent. If a hundred innocent people have their lives ruined, who would dare object if it meant one child abuser was caught?
The computers I mentioned above are the latest setup for the children/guilt/reaction game our government is playing. It is inevitable that the money will not be entirely spent on computers. It has been set up to be inevitable by the simple expedient of offering twice the current cost of a computer. Some parents will use all the money to buy food and clothes for the child, to pay for heating in the winter, to offset the charges levied by the education system. Some will take the £700 and buy a computer in Tesco for £300, and keep the rest to ensure their child eats.
The press will turn this into ‘demon parents steal from children’ and then what will you say? Will you think ‘well, the parents need to feed the child more than they need to give them access to the Web’?
Or will you be out there, screaming ‘Something must be done’?
Because if you do, then something most certainly will be done. And you can rest assured that our politicians have already prepared the measures they will implement when you ask for them. Have you never, ever wondered why, when you ask for something to be done, it is done within hours?
The laws are already written. All they need is your request. Ask them to take your freedoms away and they will oblige with a smile.Just try asking for one of those freedoms back and see where it gets you.
If you still think Big Brother loves you then please, go about your business and ignore all I have said. If you're waiting for me, or someone else, to don a cape and dash to the rescue, then you will be disappointed. This mess can only be fixed by the people who made it. The first step is to look into a mirror and recognise the culprit. All you need to do is change your mind.If you can take that step, if you can be honest with yourself, you have started the process of breaking your conditioning. It won't be easy and it certainly won't be painless, but it will be worth it in the end. There is one crumb of comfort in all this, one hope to cling to while you wonder how it all came about and whether we, just by sitting back and allowing it to happen, can be held in any way responsible.
Monday, 22 September 2008
Labour's Bull Shit Bingo - Free Entry
UPDATE: Guido is using his for his live Webcast of the PM's speech at 2:00 pm
Massive hat tip to Panopticon for creating the image above
Friday, 19 September 2008
I wondered why she should as she has ensured that her socialist roots have been entirely eradicated by her vice like grip on anything and everything to do with the Harry Potter films.
I mean, she could have just given the money quietly to a children’s charity instead. But obviously she feels that the Labour party are responsible in some small way for her success and would like to return the favour.
In January 2007, a certain Mr Gordon Brown of the Labour party allowed Warner Brothers, who own the rights to Harry Potter films, a spectacular tax deal. As long as they didn’t move production to Eastern Europe, as they had threatened, then he would allow them to claim 80% of production costs as tax deductable and pay 20% of costs to them in cash.
Although the previous four Harry Potter films have been shot at Leavesden Studios near London and on location in Scotland, sources said that moving the next instalment of the series to a lower-cost location such as Prague had been“a very real prospect” as a result of changes to the tax benefits regime.
From April, a new regime will replace two existing benefits, known assections 42 and 48, that allow producers to deduct production costs fromearnings as soon as a film is completed.
The industry yesterday had its last chance to persuade the Government to replace the existing regime with one thatwill provide at least the same financial benefits, with the closure of a formal consultation period.
But early indications have not filled film-makers with much hope for success. A consultation document released by the Government in July included new tax incentives that would offer Hollywood films shot in the UK benefits of as little as 2 per cent of their budgets, compared with an average of about 9 per cent under the existing system. “If they stick with the proposals that they put forward earlier in the year the impact on the industry is going to be devastating,” one executive said.
So it was overruled by Gordon in January 2007. Against the recommendations of a government consultation document.
Now, what were the production costs of the latest Harry Potter? Close to £100 Million. And Gordon PAID Warners £20 Million in taxpayers cash just to have the film made here.
"None of which, I am sure, has made it’s way into the Labour Donations Fund via one Ms J.K. Rowling", said a Mr Bernard Ecclestein today as he puffed on a Malboro Red at Silverstone racetrack
Thursday, 18 September 2008
I give you John Cruddas MP.
"Labour now has an historic opportunity to seize the political high ground. The era of selfish individualism is on the wane. The electorate is increasingly concerned with social insurance, safeguarding living standards and ensuring social stability and ecological sustainability.
From stranded holidaymakers to pension holders, to those falling ill, they are discovering that these collective goods are in dangerously short supply. The future will demand a more active and democratic state engaging with economic development and regulation. The redistribution of wealth and resources will be essential in rebalancing a dysfunctional economy."
John Cruddas MP 18.09.08
John, fuck off will you? Here's a picture of the cunt so if anyone in Dagenham spots him, they can stab him. I don't want the Tories to win the next election, but I DO want you and your Marxist, totalitarian ilk to have your stupid, ugly faces rubbed in flamingo droppings and then broken glass shoved down your throats. You have fucked our country and to recover, you suggest we submit to a rigorous anal rape with arusty spade. Yup. MORE ZNL SHIT
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Ueber Comrade Dawn Primarolo has decided that people who drink are a problem that the Government must solve. Via Pravda, the proletariat are instructed to pack it up. If only it were that simple. I could just simply tell her to ram a broken bottle up her arse, sideways. But no, money (our money) needs to be spent to tell us what TYPE of drinker we are.
Yep, full blown psychoanalysis has been performed and drinkers fall into 9 categories. Badges will be issued in due course no doubt.
For those who have the slightest interest in what the Politburo thinks of you, results are:
Life in a state of crisis eg recently bereaved, divorced or in financial crisis
Alcohol is a comforter and a form of self-medication used to help them cope
Pressurised job or stressful home life leads to feelings of being out of control and burdened with responsibility
Alcohol is used to relax, unwind and calm down and to gain a sense of control when switching between work and personal life. Partners often support or reinforce behaviour by preparing drinks for them
Relevant to those with a very busy social calendar
Alcohol is the ‘shared connector' that unifies and gets them on the same level. They often forget the time and the amount they are consuming
Traditional guys who believe that going to the pub every night is ‘what men do'
Justify it as ‘me time'. The pub is their second home and they feel a strong sense of belonging and acceptance within this environment
Drink in fairly large social friendship groups
The sense of community forged through the pub-group. Drinking provides a sense of safety and security and gives their lives meaning. It also acts a social network
Typically single mums or recent divorcees with restricted social life
Drinking is company, making up for an absence of people. Drinking marks the end of the day, perhaps following the completion of chores
Often feeling under-valued, disempowered and frustrated in important areas of their life
Have actively cultivated a strong ‘alpha male' that revolves around their drinking ‘prowess'. Drinking is driven by a constant need to assert their masculinity and status to themselves and others
Single, divorced and/or with grown up children
Drinking excessively is a way of visibly expressing their independence, freedom and ‘youthfulness' to themselves. Alcohol used to release inhibitions
Men who effectively live in the pub which, for them, is very much a home from home
A combination of motives, including boredom, the need to conform, and a general sense of malaise in their lives
You stupid cunts.
Now, what was the point of all that then? Obvious really. Dawn would rather that you didn’t drink. Or smoke. Or do anything that might cost the government any money, money sorely needed to fund their bizarre agenda. Tesco’s recently gave INGSOC all the loyalty card data, so they KNOW what you drink and frankly, they are shocked!
What they have forgotten are that most people drink because they like getting pissed and forgetting that the State just sees them as a resource to be harvested. And getting pissed is a laugh.
Now, I like my drink. I like a bottle of wine with a meal. I like a pint or three of good ale in a pub with a wheezy Labrador hovering up crisps from beneath my feet and a pert arsed barmaid and I like a glass of port with good cheese. I like a crisp sancerre or muscadet with my oysters and a cold Pils on a hot summers day. Yet I don’t seem to fall into any of the new “categories” that INGSOC have decided we must belong to.
Over 900,000 households will receive leaflets through the post highlighting the link between drinking and conditions such as cancer and liver disease.
I know drinking is not good for me. You don’t need to stuff a fucking leaflet through my door, you fucktards. Leave me alone. I am not harming anybody other than my own liver and I pay medical insurance in case I need a new one.
Meanwhile, Pravda are reporting that the reason your average wife beating, heroin addled, Buckfast for breakfast psychotic porridge wog has a life expectancy of 36 years is because…wait for it…..the sun doesn’t shine very much in Scotland.
Just fuck off. All of you. Get your slithering tentacles out of my daily life. I will drink, smoke and rape the cat as much as I fucking like.
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
Monday, 15 September 2008
Let’s have a look at what a recession will bring. Firstly, credit is hard to come by. Unless you have a good record of borrowing money and paying it back, you won’t get it. People are beginning to shout that this is not fair, as they’ve been able to borrow squillions before, buy loads of useless shit and have the odd month off from repaying it. Well, tough. The rules have changed. If you had an ounce of foresight, you would have realised that buying things you can’t afford to pay cash for, using other peoples money is a privilege, not a right.
Yes, your house is full of Argos tat, but you haven’t actually bought it. Other people have. You just used their money to do it and now, you’ll have to capitalise your labour and give the people their money back.
Little Tyson WON’T be strutting around the playground in £90 trainers this year. He will be wearing Primark plastic trainers that you bought for £6. He WILL survive, trust me. Most of the other kids will be wearing them as well. 99.99% of the kids in the world wear nothing on their feet at all. David Beckham may feel the pinch as his earnings from the mongs who buy his endorsed shit goes down a million or two, but his wife still has her career. He’ll get by.
You will not be able to take the entire family and Nanna to Disneyland twice a year and put it on the plastic. Trust me, this is a good thing. Eventually, your children are going to have to earn their own money and if you have been teaching them that spunking every penny you have up the wall is a good policy, they have been ill advised and are in for a large shock later in life. 99.99% of the worlds children do not know what a Disneyland is or have any need to know. Spend the money paying back a bit of last years lager fuelled bender to Benidorm before you start spending even more of other peoples money.
You will have to sell your Saxo wiv da big exhaust and get the bus. Yep. Tragic isn’t it? No more wheelspins away from the lights wiv ya crew in da back, trying to get that bird with the tattoo on her tits to shag you. If you want her to shag you, be nice to her, be attentive to her needs and show her you care. Handbrake turns are not romantic.
You may have to cook some food. This is a hard one. 99.99% of the world has managed it but somehow, life without the “ding dong” of the Dominoes Pizza man (with free Cola) arriving at your abode everynight, spilling out utter shite for you to eat on your laps whilst watching the Simpsons is actually not a bad thing. If you can save up £100 (without immediately spending it on a PS3 game or a handbag) you could buy a dining table and some chairs. Then, you could sit as a family and eat together. Maybe some of you could talk about stuff. Decide things as a family, plan days out together and get to know the other people who live in your house. You can buy food in markets. Those shouty blokes waving green stuff in your face as you head to the Bingo are actually selling fresh food. All you have to do is cover it in salt and sugar and boil it for an hour. Then sit down at your table and eat it. Topped with lard for all I care
Your house. This is a hard one, because some of you saw stuff on Sky and thought you had to have it. So that hot tub you bought on the Barclaycard and have used twice (both times to invite your wife’s mates over, although you weren’t so keen when they brought their slimmer hubbies and your missus whipped her tits out, were you?) and was a snip at £4K didn’t actually ADD £4K to the value of your house. In fact, it turns out that spending £20K on patio heaters, a ride on lawn mower, a “chiminea” and koi carp has actually brought no return at all. Apart from more letters offering “consolidation loans” secured on your foreskin.
A recession means you will have to live within your means. It means that you can no longer spend money you have not earned. Just like the rest of the planet in fact. It can be done. The rest of the planet manages to do it, so can you
OH’s 10 money saving tips for poor people who don’t realise they are poor yet (but fucking will, soon enough)
1.Stop spending moneyGo and look at some really poor people (the Scottish or Welsh is a good place to start) and you may just understand that it doesn’t matter what other people think. Including me. You've been sold fools gold and it ain't the end of the world. Anyway, serves you right for voting Labour, you tossers
2.Cook and eat food yourself
3.Don’t go to Menorca with Nanna on shit holidays you cannot afford
4.Stop trying to keep up with the fucking Joneses who are just as fucking skint as you
5.Get the bus
6.Life is short. Do stuff that doesn’t cost money. A walk with the kids
7.Put a jumper on
8.Get a bike
9.Stop pretending to be rich. There is no shame in poor but honest. Even if you lost everything, you still have more than most of the planet. Which is why half the bastard planet is trying to get here in the back of lorries.
10.Tanning/nail studios are the work of the devil. Stay away from them
Doner Kebab meat on top of a Naan Bread, maybe with some Glasgow Salad(chips)poking out from underneath.
Once the top layer has been removed, you can clearly see the two tubs of Sauce, the Glasgow Salad on the left and the Crappy Salad in the middle with the Onion Rings, Pakora and Chicken Tikka all huddledtogether for warmth on the right, laid out with the crappy salad atop the chips,a piece of chicken tikka balanced on top of the salads, an onion ring surrounding a piece of pakora, a wall of doner meat served with a feuille of naan with a choice of two sauces.
Fucking great eh? Better than 72 virgins anyway. And a sore arse
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Friday, 12 September 2008
OH's spider senses are tingling.
ZNL are up to something big.
Nick Robinson is saying Brown is safe, Pravda are spinning a story about bent black coppers, Lord Sainsbury has told Gordon to fuck off and the back benches (aka people who owe Blair a favour) are throwing themselves on the funeral pyre.
It's going to be a long weekend
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Now we have it –in black and white - evidence of the contempt with which energy companies view their customers. Asked what the worst case scenario would be with regard to spiralling energy prices, Mark Owen-Lloyd, head of power trading, replied “at worst, we’ll make more money”. My account with E-On will be cancelled in the next 24 hours.
Let us imagine, in our wildest dreams, a brand new totalitarian superstate. What devious methods of oppression would that superstate use against it’s own imprisoned citizens? How would it cope with a savvy and intelligent, internet aware citizens, used to expressing themselves as they wished. How would it cope with peoples who are used to travelling at will, to where they want? How would it suppress, monitor, survey and spy on it’s citizens using the very, very latest high tech equipment.
Well, the plans are being laid down right now. They will (and in many cases do already) include:
Permits to travel, pre authorised – your papers please
An all encompassing ID card – DNA, Bio, fingerprints, medical records, drivers licence and vehicle Registration, criminal records. All on one card.
A statewide paramilitary police force
Reduced border crossings to the free world.
All online activity by the “individual” to be monitored and digitised – from your mobile phone records to your friends on myspace, from your emails to which news site you read. Sorted and logged against each “citizen”. Accessible by all State authorities.
An example might be:
“work across multiple data streams and multiple types of data stream.
For example, if someone in an airport starts making a series of unusual mobile phone calls, the system might monitor the video streams of the areas where that person is more sensitively than it would normally. Or it might check passenger travel information to see if that person or someone related to them is due to arrive or depart in the next couple of hours.”
Fantasy? The basis of a good novel (in a new age way)?
Nope. FACT. The EU are planning all of the above and much much more for it’s citizens – including YOU. Statewatch have just released a 60 page report on it. Get over there and read it.
Tip: Get a new passport this year. It will be your last chance to get one without Biometrics or Iris scans. Ever.
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
So off she struts, looking like a badly skinned giraffe to spout her equality bollocks to the TUC in the vain hope that they won’t hang her and her traitorous colleagues from lamp posts this winter.
Let’s get this straight once and for all, you man hating cuntard.
I am NOT equal to anyone with a criminal record. I am NOT equal to a benefit thief, a bloated lazy chav, tanked up on lager and a pocket full of publicly funded scratch cards. I am NOT equal to a bile spouting Muslim or a gun toting Yardie who feels the streets now belong to him. I am NOT equal to an undereducated scrote leaving school clutching a handful of useless grade A’s in fuck all yet demanding £25K a year to start or they’ll go on the dole. I am NOT equal to a drug dealing, Range Rover driving pimp that the Police allow to operate unquestioned whilst they are watching ME doing nothing wrong on a CCTV camera all fucking day. I am not equal to the hoards of immigrants sent over from Somalia to do fuck all at my expense. I am NOT equal to the misogynistic bearded bastards that demand anybody who does not lie down to Allah should be stoned. I am NOT equal to the credit card fuelled wasters who are £000’s in debt but still manage a spray tan once a week, a kebab every night and are screaming for me to pay their mortgage for them.
Education is free. Go and get some and get yourselves a fucking proper job. Do not tell me that I have to come down to your level so that we can all “be equal”. If I have risen above your shit levels of life, it is because I worked bloody hard to do so. Don’t you dare take anything away from me and hand it to anyone who has not worked at least as hard. We live in a meritocracy. You get out what you put in. Which is why you are going to be hung from a lamp post very shortly.
Now fuck off, you useless fetid smear of discharge
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
So, let’s have a think about the things that were really good, fun, harmless, heartwarming, put a smile on your face when you were a kid and now our kids will never even know.
Getting up to all sorts of shit when stuck in the car with a bag of crisps and a bottle of lemonade whilst your parents were in the pub.
For the younger ones amongst you, children weren’t allowed in pubs, because people hated children and went to the pub to smoke, drink, have the occasional fight, avoid their wives and argue and get drunk. The very thought of a child in a pub was abhorrent , let alone special pubs for children with ‘activity rooms, baby changing facilities, a children’s menu, outdoor playground with swings, fucking Donald duck painted on the bastard walls and a plastic ball pit.
Fucking about at the beach
Back then, going to the sea side was a treat, not a punishment from your probation officer. Your parents (for any black kids reading, that’s your mum and a man she once met. For any children of transgenders/gay couples/ civil ceremonies or whatever, just look at some old photographs, I’m not going there). You’d be thrown out of the car, have to get changed under an old towel used for cleaning the dog whilst your siblings threw rocks at you in minus 7 degrees and you would fuck about in that big blue cold thing called the sea. Before the health and safety barriers were put up and the Paedo obsessed patrols marched up and down the beach looking for a man to set fire to. Your mum and dad would argue all the time and you could wander off all day without an air and sea rescue mission being launched.
Fucking about in the park
Again, when your parents wanted to argue properly, you would be booted out to go to the park, with the dog. You would get on your bike, that had no brakes and go to the park. The park had grass and a swing that if you fell off, you became the proud owner of a scar. No one molested you, you were not offered Special Brew or heroin or converted to Islam. You would have to dodge the dogshit (which was white) and it was socially acceptable to climb trees and throw conkers at girls. If there was a park keeper, it was job to let the tyres down on his van, not stab him coz he wuz on yur turf, innit.
Before we had a Tescos instead of a town centre, we used to have a town centre. Your parents could buy flour, eggs, milk, butter and sugar and make a cake. That required mixing it all in a bowl and if you didn't seriously piss your mum off, you got to lick out the bowl. By magic, about an hour later, a cake had appeared in your house and you got to nick a slice a day for a week and you could eat it (get a plate, you little shit!) in front of a television that wasn't showing dwarf porn live from Seattle. Cartoons consisted of Tom and Jerry. There were no chicken nuggets, turkey twizzlers, blue energy fizzy spunk, kofta halal kebabs and pizzas were for the cowardly Italians who changed sides in the war and all their tanks had one forward gear, five reverse. You ate what was on your plate. All of it. Or you were beaten to death and sent to bed.
Books, comics, bird watching and playing with bonfires. These were things you did when there was nothing on the telly (yes, there really was nothing on sometimes except a picture of an ugly child holding some voodoo doll).
Evil Child and voodoo doll used to brainwash the unemployed and bored children
Anybody got any more?
Monday, 8 September 2008
IF WE SAY 'NO'
What would be the effect on Britain if we gave up membership of the Common Market? In the Government's view, the effect could only be damaging.
Inevitably, there would be a period of uncertainty.
Businessmen who had made plans for investment and development on the basis of membership would have to start afresh.
Foreign firms might hesitate to continue investment in Britain. Foreign loans to help finance our trade deficit might be harder to get.
We would have to try to negotiate some special free trade arrangement, a new Treaty. We would be bound by that Treaty. Its conditions might be harsh. But unless and until it was in force, Britain's exports to the Common Market would be seriously handicapped.
We would no longer be inside the Common Market tariff wall - but outside.
For a time at least, there would be a risk of making unemployment and inflation worse.
Other countries have made these special arrangements with the Community. They might find Community decisions irksome, even an interference with their affairs.
But they have no part in making those decisions.
The Common Market will not go away if we say 'No'.
The countries of the Common Market would still be our nearest neighbours and our largest customers. Their policies would still be important to us. But Britain would no longer have a close and direct influence on those policies.
More than that, decisions taken in Brussels - in which Britain would have no voice - would affect British trade and therefore British jobs.
Britain would no longer have any say in the future economic and political development of the Common Market. Nor on its relations with the rest of the world - particularly on the help to be given to the poorer nations of the world.
We would just be outsiders looking in.
IF WE SAY 'YES'
Let us be clear about one thing: In or out of the Common Market, it will be tough going for Britain over the next few years.
In or out, we would still have been hit by the oil crisis, by rocketing world prices for food and raw materials.
But we will be in a much stronger position to face the future if we stay inside the Market than if we try to go it alone.
Inside, on the improved terms, we remain part of the world's most powerful trading bloc. We can help to fix the terms of world trade.
Inside, we can count on more secure supplies of food if world harvests turn out to be bad. And we can help to hold down Market food prices - as we have done since we joined in 1973.
Inside the Market we can work to get more European Community money spent inside Britain:
More from the Social Fund for retraining workers in new jobs. Since we joined we have benefited from this Fund to the tune of over £20 million a year.
More from the Community's new Regional Fund, which already stands to bring us £60 million in the next three years.
More from the Farm Fund when world prices are high. For instance, up to now we have obtained £40 million from this Fund to bring down the price of sugar in the shops.
More from the Coal & Steel funds and the European Investment Bank. Since we joined, arrangements have already been make for loans and grants of over £250 million.
The long period of negotiation between Britain and the other Market countries has proved that the Market is not a rigid organisation.
It is flexible. It is ready and able to adapt to changing world conditions.
It can, and does, respond to the differing needs of member states.
The Market is aware of the need to help the poorer nations of the world outside Europe.
Whether we are in the Market or not, Common Market policies are going to affect the lives of every family in the country.
Inside the Market, we can play a major part in deciding these policies.
Outside, we are on our own.
33 year later and it is completely forgotten
Anyone who laughs is going to hell (I've booked the owners suite by the way)
I do not smoke in my house because I have children, so I join the chickens in the garden come rain or shine. I do however, reserve the fucking right to smoke in my own fucking house. The house that I have bought with my own fucking money. The house that I live in.
Oh no. They want to stop me doing that.
The anti-smoking lobby, led by Cancer Research and the Smokefree Coalition, has been busy encouraging people to lobby the government in favour of measures such as a ban on the display of tobacco in shops, plain packaging, etc etc
"Question 12: Do you believe that more should be done by the Government to reduce exposure to secondhand smoke within private dwellings or in vehicles used primarily for private purposes? If so, what do you think could be done?" p.45
I was in Germany recently and they have got around the smoking ban in pubs by forming “smoking clubs” that then book a room for “private meetings” in a pub and get pissed and cough a lot. I was in Belgium last week (kids were shit scared by the way. They normally run riot and I spend all day trying to find them, but they were clamped to arm like a limpet to a rock. The stories of the child catcher and Belgians favourite hobby, Paedophilia kept them white with fear all day) and Belgians just ignore any laws and happily smoke in pubs.
So why the fuck are we putting up with this stinking intrusion into OUR lives, OUR private places and OUR habits? What next? Exposure to sexual diseases means you can’t shag who you want anymore (Well, no one shags who they want, except Johnny 5, who can have any woman he wants he says, because he is a Rapist h/t. Obo)
So sign up to shove a rusty spade up the arses of these petty, interfering Nazis.
Sunday, 7 September 2008
The "covert human intelligence sources", as some local authorities describe them, are also being asked to pass on the names of neighbours they believe to be responsible, or take down their number-plates.
Ealing Council in West London said: "There are hundreds of Junior Streetwatchers, aged 8-10 years old, who are trained to identify and report enviro-crime issues such as graffiti and fly-tipping."
Harlow Council in Essex said: "We currently have 25 Street Scene Champions who work with the council. They are all aged between 11 to 14. They are encouraged to report the aftermath of enviro-crimes such as vandalism to bus shelters, graffiti, abandoned vehicles, fly-tipping etc. They do this via telephone or email direct to the council."
Other local authorities recruit adult volunteers through advertisements in local newspapers, with at least 4,841 people already patrolling the streets in their spare time. They are watching you through your children, and they will control you through fear of those children. Those kids hanging around at the bus stop have no need to vandalise it to get their kicks. It's more fun to drop a crisp packet as you walk by and claim you did it.
Some are assigned James Bond-style code numbers, which they use instead of their real names when they ring a special informer's hotline.You don't even know who they are. They don't wear badges. They don't identify themselves. They just phone a number. No names, just their Gorgon Youth membership number, a place, a car registration, a crime--real or imagined--and someone gets pounced on. In the name of anti-terror legislation, so such heinous and evil perpetrators of the following crimes can be brought to justice:Among the "environmental crimes" which the snoopers are asked to report, which vary from council to council, are failure to recycle rubbish, vandalism, graffiti, dog fouling, fly-tipping and abandoned vehicles.